‎Haircut Accident Averted - A Short Story

‎‎This true short story happened in the year 1988. We were at the Air Force Academy for our Basic flying on a jet engine aeroplane. ‎‎It was a bright Sunday. The barber at the Academy in those days would come to our cabin to give a haircut to all the Cadets on that floor. Normally, on Sundays, there is no flying training happening.

We all used to have a single cabin. The cabin used to be so small that there was just enough space to walk, evading a writing table, a chair, one cot, an almirah, and a million bed bugs on all these items and all the crevices on the wall. If you are not careful, your knee is bound to hit something, and it used to be very painful for the next few days.

This short story begins when the barber came along on that Sunday for the haircut. The moment the barber arrives, he would pick up a chair from a random cabin. No one wanted their chair to be used by the barber. That day, he came and took the only chair in my cabin. Now I had nowhere to sit in my cabin. So, I decided to watch all 8 flight cadets undergo a haircut.

‎‎We had already been in the Flight Academy for almost 4 months and had made good progress in our flying training. Most of us were in the Spin phase of flying at that time. Now, being cadets we do not get enough practice in the aeroplane cockpit as each training flight is just about 45 minutes in the jet aircraft and you get just one sortie a day. That was not enough.

So, the only way to compensate was by sitting in your own cabin, alone on the chair, closing your eyes, and starting to imagine that you were in the airplane cockpit. You start by doing the cockpit internal checks, taxy out from the dispersal to the runway, do all the checks as it was taught to you, and takeoff. After take-off, follow all the maneuvers you have to fly the next day as briefed by your instructor. After that, come and land back on the runway, taxy back to the dispersal and switch off the aircraft. This procedure is called Chair Flying.

Some would do chair flying, sitting on the writing chair, and some cadets do it lying on the cot. ‎‎These flight cadets had the cockpit instrument layout diagram made on paper and stuck on the wall in front of the writing table. Some innovative guys had the cockpit layout stuck even on the ceiling to do Chair flying, lying on the bed before falling asleep.

‎‎The most innovative Cadet on my floor used to have a cockpit layout stuck on the walls of the 2.5 x 4 feet toilet. He was so innovative that he even named the Commod. It read Martin Bakery Ejection Seat. This guy used to spend a long time in the toilet. ‎‎His minimum time in the toilet used to be 45 minutes, starting sharp at 5 am, till he finishes the whole flight, starting with the aircraft internal checks, to engine startup, taxy, takeoff, do the full flying profile for the day, do a smooth landing, taxy back, and switch off the aircraft in the dispersal.

‎‎Sometimes he repeats some maneuvers. If the landing is not smooth, he would go round and come for another landing and in his effort to perfect his flying, we all used to get late for briefing because there was just one toilet and one bathroom for 8 of us. So, I had no choice but to wake up at 4:30 am and finish my routine before he and the other six Cadets lined up outside the Ejection seat fitted cockpit.

‎‎The last guy to take a haircut that day was this Flight Cadet. He was a tall guy. He sat on the Barber's chair and immediately started the engine of his aeroplane. He seemed to be in a hurry. He knew the barber was fast and would finish his haircut in under 10 minutes. without doing the external checks, and taxy out from the dispersal, he lined up on the runway and took off.

‎‎The Air Force Academy barber was used to seeing cadets doing chair flying over the years of his career in the academy. The barber knew the full aeroplane checklist verbatim, and probably he even knew how to fly all the flight maneuvers (theoretically), thanks to Flight Cadets like this guy.

‎‎This flight cadet was also in the Spin maneuver phase of flying. So after take off, the cadet climbed straight to 20,000 feet and started his spin maneuver skipping all other procedures before that like a steep turn at 12,000 feet, a stall at 15,000 feet, etc, because he wanted to land his aeroplane back on the runway after doing a 4 turn spin maneuver.

The flight cadet reduced his aeroplane speed in straight and level flight, put the air brakes out, and as his speed dropped to 105 knots, he applied full left rudder and pulled the joystick to his belly. There goes his aeroplane into a left 4-turn Spin.

‎‎The barber was at the end of the haircut, shaping the flight cadet's hair sideburns, with a sharp blade in hand. ‎‎Suddenly, the barber jumped in surprise, as if he touched a 440 volts live wire. The flight cadet's aeroplane had just entered into a left spin.

The flight cadet was so engrossed in his flying that he totally forgot that his haircut was ending and the barber was shaving the sideburns of his hair, with a sharp blade in his hand. The flight cadet, unaware of the barber and his own haircut, began violently rotating his head to the left, anticlockwise, as seen from above his head. After the fourth full spin of his imaginary aeroplane, the flight cadet stopped rotating his head and slowly recovered his aeroplane from a steep dive.

The flight cadet looked up, puzzled at us. Then he turned towards the barber, as he woke up from his chair flying simulation, and asked the barber, "Is my haircut over?"

The barber said, "Yes Sir." The barber was so shaken up that he stood there, frozen. The flight cadet got up from the chair fully dejected because he could not land his aeroplane on the runway.

‎‎The barber's fine reflexes averted a major Haircut Accident of a flight cadet that day.‎